A Letter To my Younger Self

Dear young Caitlyn,

First of all, chill.

Remember how determined you were to get into journalism school at Carleton? you did it. Despite all of the would-be career changes you encountered, you landed on the 12-year-old one: a writer. You made it, kid. You now have a blog and you’re in your dream program at a great school and honestly, you’re gonna love it.

That being said, pls start studying more – when you get to University, you’re not going to know what you’re doing, and your first exam season will be torturous. Seriously. Study now. Take school more seriously.

Don’t post that extremely over edited selfie, where you looks like plastic and you tried to make your face look tan. That photo will come back to haunt you when you’re 18 and you try to be professional and it’s the first thing that comes up when your name gets googled. There will be many similar ones. Don’t post any of them. Put down the Photoshop.

Stop wasting your time on boys who won’t fulfill your life.

That being said, you’ll meet someone and fall hopelessly in love with them in high school. You’ll date for a while. He loves you too. Eventually, he’s going to break your heart, and it’s going to take a really long time for you to get over it. Like, a really long time. Date him anyways. The good years you spent together will more than make up for the year of emotional torture you will go through. He will teach you many things, but most importantly, he’ll teach you not to take people for granted. Don’t take him for granted.

When you get to university, you’ll meet a new boy, after a month-long, newly-single, lowkey-slutty phase. Don’t worry about the “floor-cest.” He will be worth it and he will remind you what it feels like to be loved again. Don’t doubt him or yourself. Let him in and let him love you and love him back. Don’t take him for granted, either.

That being said, learn who you are without a man in your life. Develop yourself as a person first. Keep reading. Keep writing. Find your passions and pursue them. Keep playing sports. Be in more plays.

You’re going to get really really sad for a really long time. You’ll get a diagnosis and a therapist and some antidepressants, but you’re going to get much worse before you get better. You’re going to hate yourself, hate your body, hate your life. You’ll make yourself throw up, you’ll trace blades across your skin, you’ll try to swallow pills. You’ll take up smoking cigarettes in hopes that they will kill you. First of all, you are so dramatic. Second of all, please love yourself. You are not fat. You never were. You are smart and strong and beautiful. People love you – please love yourself.

Your mom will get sick and it will make you feel as though there are bees rattling inside of you. (Don’t worry – mom is still the strongest woman you know and she’ll get better and it’ll be okay.) It will be hard at first. Then your family will heal and move on and everything will be okie dokie.

Most importantly, don’t change a single thing. Every garbage YouTube video you tried to create, every over-edited selfie, every One Direction and ICONic Boyz fangirl blog you’ve made, the wall of Justin Bieber posters, the super depressing and moody poetry. Do it all. Let everything happen. Every cringey choice you made leads you to a pretty decent life when you turn 18. You’re still going to have bees rattling in your chest, but now they’re honeybees, not wasps. You will get better. You will do well. You will excel in many aspects of your life.

Chill out. Let life just happen to you. Let your experiences roll over you like waves. Everything ends up being pretty decent. It works out. You’re gonna be okay.


Present Caitlyn.

4 thoughts on “A Letter To my Younger Self

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